Resolutions, Schmesolutions

When I think of resolutions, I think of unattainable goals. Or ones that are rooted in selfishness. I don't think I have ever once done something that I resolved to do.

So, for the year of two thousand ten, I will make some GOALS (NOT resolutions) for myself, and hopefully this blog will keep me accountable. I say hopefully, because I suck royally at follow-through. I start , but I do not finish. I saw an interview with Lady Gaga (of all people) and her words were inspiring. She talked about 'being a finisher'; and as I watched this tiny woman in a Gaultier (maybe?) dress with a crazy wig speak, I realized that I am SO not a finisher. And I really want to be one.

So-thanks, Gaga. You're a brilliant woman and an inspiration to many. Here is my list of things I'd like to accomplish this year...forgive the random nature of it and the personal explanations of WHY they are here.

-complete a craft project LIKE:

the embroidered pillow for my mother

a rag rug

a crazy log cabin quilt block (just a block, I am not going to overwhelm myself with attempting an entire QUILT)

-really try to adjust my self-image and learn to love the skin I am in. This is not a result of a negative upbringing-my parents ALWAYS told me I was smart, and beautiful and worthy. It was truly one of the very greatest things they did for me (choking up here-thanks mom and dad!). BUT. For some terrible, awful, Satanic (yeah, I said it) reason...I am disgusted with myself. Daily. A lot of it has to do with gaining WAY too much weight while pregnant, and some of it has to do with a (lame and shameful) need to be told I'm pretty. So yeah-I'll work on that one-haha.

-focus on the needs of my husband. The relationship between a husband and wife needs to be rock solid, and it takes work. And I am willing to do that work. I am also willing to challenge my DH to do that work too. I refuse to become a statistic.

-stay in better touch with my friends. A number of them have become family to me, and I know that sometimes I neglect those relationships. You know who you are, and I love you to death.

-in that same vein...to focus on my immediate family. I don't spend as much time with them as I should, and I want to be a better daughter and sister.

-to be grateful for my life, every single day. Being a SAHM is tough. It is lonely, repetitive, messy and sometimes insanely boring. But it is also magical, special, and the VERY most rewarding thing I have EVER done. I am so very lucky that my husband has a job that allows me to stay home and make it a welcoming place that he and the Goo want to be .

-to be the best mom to the Goo that he could ever have.

-and finally...to read through the Bible in its entirety. I have a lesson plan to read through it chronologically and I am coming along pretty well. (even through the boring parts. I hope that isn't blasphemous but DANG is the book of Job BORING. Sorry Job. I know you had a tough time. Don't take it personally.)

And there we have it. Hopefully this will keep me accountable. I can come back here and update things and let everyone and myself know how I am doing. Here's an old photo of the Goo and I. I like it because we both look supercool and we're smiling. AH, motherhood.

Bad Dreams

I generally don't have nightmares, and if I do I quickly recover and fall back asleep. Generally my dreams are of the weird variety and aren't worth recalling.

But early this morning I had a whopper of a nightmare. One of my deep-seated, irrational fears is that of some sort of attack on the safety of my family and life. Like...zombies or monsters or war...stuff like that.

The dream that woke me at 5:30 this morning was about monsters. Huge, lurking,unseen hairy monsters. I had to ask my mom which knitting project to bring with me (don't ask). I didn't know where my son was. Terrifying. But what really got me was hearing a scream from my baby sister. One of sheer terror. Ugh. It woke me AND the DH up. I had to ask him if I was awake. That's how real it was. To his credit, he put his arms around me and helped me fall back asleep.

How lame is it to blog about a nightmare? Who knows, but this one really shook me. I have to go text my baby sis to make sure she didn't get eaten by invisible werewolf monsters.

So here is a (bad) photo of me and the goo. Have a great Friday, everyone in blogoland!!!

Explanation

I don't know that I am the type to post something here daily (sorry Mom). But I have purposely AVOIDED posting on here the past few days because I have not been in the best of moods. First I thought I was going crazy. I had the conversation in my head that I usually have with my BFF: 'I can't do this. I am a disgusting human being. I yell at my son too much. I am a failure at everything I attempt. Nothing I do stays done or makes sense.'

Then I looked at my trusty pack of Azurette. Yeah. Its PMS week. Sorry if that's TMI for some. But its a bit of an explanation of why I've been a bit of an interwebs shut-in.

I woke up to a long email from a dear old friend. Well, she's not old, but I have known her since high school....

She sent me a bunch of photos from my years as a single gal in Minneapolis (at least, I am pretty sure this one is from MN. The ad for the fish fry behind the bar makes me think so. NOPE!!! This photo is from Illinois-thanks for setting me straight, madam.). She came to visit me and we had quite the time. Yes, I used to dye my hair that black. And YES I STILL FIT INTO THOSE JEANS!!!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!!!

Haiti

We cannot get away from the devastation.

What we can do is donate $$, or if that isn't possible....pray. I really to believe in the power of prayer (and will tell naysayers to shut the f up NOW PLEASE THANK YOU).

For some comic relief, here is a photo of the Goo being a weirdo. And yes, I am grateful that we do not live in Haiti.

My Wonderful Auntie. Or: Taking advantage of OCD

Anyone that knows me knows that I am really, really, really...like REALLY not a Type A personality.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Type_A_and_Type_B_personality_theory

If I had my druthers I would have piles for everything and I'd never have to pick up my clothes.

So I married a man who is more Type A than me. He's got some B tendencies but he's much more organized and result-oriented than I am.

And our horribly disorganized cabinets irritate him. I can understand it-we all have our 'things'. I believe that closets (and kitchen cabinets) have doors for a REASON. However, even I get sick of not knowing where the cumin is, or being unable to find a lid for a bowl. But I don't know where to begin. I look at the disorganization and immediately feel overwhelmed. Then I sit back down or go do something else.

And when my Wonderful Auntie (which is funny, because I call my aunts and uncles by their first names) offered to come over and go through them...well you bet your boots I accepted her offer. She claims that I did HER a favor by allowing her to indulge her minor OCD. Heh. Little does she know that SHE did ME the favor...

*cackling and evil rubbing of hands here*

I'm even gonna take pictures once I charge my sucky camera. Its THAT GOOD. She's thinking of doing this for a living and if she does, I DO ENDORSE HER.

Thank God for people like her and like my husb...we'd all be living in piles without them.

It Usually Happens Like This

The holidays do something evil to my immune system. Some years its the kind of sickness that has one confined to a bathroom (remember that 2007 hospital visit, hunny? remember that time we were home from MN---Boo-Urns-- and we each took over a bathroom at your parents' ?) ; and sometimes it is the kind that just will not go away-the kind that moves itself around in your body. From the tummy to the chest to the sinuses to the all-over. But it seems to happen every single year

It both sucks AND blows, in each sense of both those words.

And I think I am finally done with it. I feel like a human being again-one with the energy to chase an almost-2-year-old around a tiny townhouse. One with motivation to shower daily. One with the ability to have an adult conversation with a stranger while remembering what was previously said. It feels really nice.

I think I shot myself in the foot this year by attempting to make Christmas gifts for my coworkers and family. As a new mom, I now understand why so many craft. Not to put too fine a point on it...but as a (mostly) SAHM...most of the things I do are totally un-do-able and intangible. Laundry. Dishes. Trash. Reading. Playing.

You see.

And so ... I have been trying to teach myself some handicrafts. Because then I have something tangible and finished. Not like laundry , playing, or dishes. Along with learning these handicrafts comes the desire to create things for those I love. But (as I have learned recently), I am rather lazy, have a short (really short) attention span, and I SUCK at finishing things.

What this means is that I still have a bunch of crap to make for my darling co-workers and one finishing-type thing to do for my mommy's Christmas present.

Ugh.

But not tonight. Tonight I am going to change into tall boots and go to a restaurant with grownups. I really wish I could bring my hunny along, but he's being wonderful and has the Goo at his parents' house while they fix train table drawers (don't ask).

**** added at 7 am on 1/11*****

I had a grand time at dinner last night, although the rumor that the restaurant owners have changed seems accurate. Last time I ate at Maggiano's I was VERY impressed. This was more quantity, less quality. But that chopped salad was real yum.

It was nice to be around adults for a few hours. Adults that wanted to sit by me! I don't think about it very often but (quite literally) my hunny is usually the only grownup I see during the day (unless I go to the grocery store or library).

So-here is a photo of the Goo playing with bubbles (the one word besides 'no' that he can say REALLY WELL).

Cheers to all. Have a good day!!!!!

Love

-a.

Bread Baking and Funny Face

Welcome to my very first blog post. I intend that this be a place of my own that holds my photos and thoughts on my life as a mother, wife, and part-time Lush SA.

I like to bake bread for my family. In my humble opinion, making bread by hand is far superior to a machine or even a stand mixer. Or maybe I just like to knead and punch bread dough.

So, a few weeks ago I had Milo give me some assistance. This is the evidence.