The Battle

In many ways, we do some sort of battle daily. Battle against traffic, against inner demons, against enemies,etc.

I battle with myself. The crummy thing about fighting with yourself is that you don't really ever win. 

My recent struggle is with my appearance. I know, I know...vanity is disgusting. But I can't help it. If my appearance doesn't at least approach cute...I feel bad. 

I can't fit into ANY of my clothes. I feel as though I don't have time to exercise. Or maybe, I just don't want to do it. 

Sometimes the weight of this world seems to be more than I can handle. 

It is no coincidence that I am writing this on a Friday morning. Thursdays have been a battlefield for me for some time now. I hate them. My best friend knows this and occasionally sends me (I just got a text from her this moment) a text or an email to cheer me up.

Yesterday (and the day before) was rough. The bad thoughts beat their way through the walls I have built in my mind and came crashing to the forefront. 

I know that I should be grateful. For this life. For my wonderful husband. For my incredible family and friends. 

And I am. 

I often say, "I love you people but I need you to get the hell away from me."

Today my prayer is for strength. Strength to do what I know is right. To NOT eat the rest of the chocolate cake in my fridge. To run to God. To appreciate what I have. To be GRATEFUL for my body-the body that held and nourished two babies. To not detest myself or my situation. 

Amen. 

Sleepless

I have random ideas of somethings to post here...late at night/early in the morning.

But come almost-sunrise, I have forgotten them. As Milo asks me to tell him about my dreams...forgotten.

However, I have been taking some photos. 

THIS IS MY HOUSE!!!!

THIS IS MY STREETLIGHT!!!! (milo is trying to climb it)