Photoless, But Humorous

Microscopic paperwork bullshit delays closing date on townhouse AGAIN. If I only knew whose desk upon which to shit. 


Had a fun playdate today at The Treehouse in Lake Zurich. The highlight for me was when my son brought me the old Band-Aid that fell off his knee. 


Uncomfortable and unexpected pregnancy symptoms have cropped up. Nothing serious. Annoying. 


I am fairly sure that everyone else in our building that was here when we bought the place has moved out. My jealousy is shameful. 


We got an X-Box that looks like R2D2. 


I am debating writing an angry expose on Lush Fresh Handmade Cosmetics...from the point of view of a former employee. Part of me hopes they see it. Another part knows they might see it and will very likely not give a shit. 


Contact lenses are WAY better than glasses. After 20-some years of wearing glasses...trust. 


Day's end finds me with many stains on my large tummy. 


My nail polish chipped after ONE DAY. What the fuck. 


Joan Holloway/Harris from Mad Men will forever be an idol of mine. 
DOES ANYONE ELSE WATCH THAT DAMN SHOW?!?! I CANT TALK ABOUT IT WITH ANYONE JEEEEZ. 


That's all. 

Shoe Lust List

Modcloth has great shoes...here is my completely biased-ly curated list for you:

Because tall boots are the best

Tall flat boots are also best

If I had silver sequined pants, I would wear them with these.

Wear with darkdark bellbottoms

SPANGLY

Because BUTTERFLIES

Who doesn't enjoy an interesting wedge?

Because my bestie has perfect nude pumps, I must also have them.

Because Joan Holloway has these. 

Because SHOES WITH WINGS, DUDE

These are more shoes I would wear on the daily. 

Perfect badass black wedge booties. 

All photos from Modcloth

I think it is safe to say that plenty of these shoes would be fit for a drag queen, and I am okay with that. 

Here's my issue...I'm already on the tall side of average. But I REALLY like tall shoes. When I wear tall shoes, I am like...TALL. And people are like...what's up with you being all TALL AND SHIT?

And all I can do is point down. They usually get it if they are chicks, man. 

Gargantuan

Today I am quite grateful that I have medical insurance and that I live in an age in which I have options. 


I don't think I've ever told my son's birth story here...don't worry, I won't. I'll sum up. 


He was gargantuan. I REALLY tried to have him come out naturally.
It wasn't happening. The docs had to go get him. Which was fine. 


Now I am gestating my second child. Yesterday I went for my growth ultrasound at 30 weeks. 


I wish I had a photo of the doctor's face when she told me the size. 


The child inside me is currently growing 2-3 weeks ahead of schedule. (and yes, I am like 95% sure of my dates as far as due date calculation goes)


4.8 pounds. SHIT man. I mean, that's great! Big babies don't seem fragile! They have really cute roundness! Chubby cheeks! Pudgy tummies! yay!


I truly am grateful to have a healthy baby. I am GOBSMACKED that this one is going to be another gargantuan one. My theory with the first baby was that his size was partly due my my ingestion of Hostess cupcakes, ramen , McDonald's breakfasts, Oreos. So with this one I haven't really (REALLY) given myself over completely to temptation (just kind of...I mean, when ELSE do I get to eat whatever I want?). 


Apparently genetics has other plans for me. 


I don't think I have ever been more happy to hear these words: 
"We can do the c-section a week before your due date. We don't want you to go into labor."


WHOO HOO. 


My MD also moved my due date up a week, so I now have TWO weeks LESS to be pregnant than I thought! 


WHOO HOO!


July tenth sound good? I like that date.