Hah.

Go look at this.
And this.


You are welcome. 

Play This Video As Loud As You Can

Please be sure to giggle at Rob Zombie's gyrations. 

No photos

I'm sorry for being such a boring blogger...
I have been really busy and tired for reasons I am not gonna say yet on the intertubes.


Today we head to St. Louis MO to spend Christmas with my  in-laws. The kiddo is looking forward to playing with his cousins and of course for SANTA TO COME!!!!!
I won't re-say what has been said a billion times. But the holidays really are more fun with kids. I love to watch the joy as they open gifts. The way I return this joy is by being just as psyched when I open MY gifts. I love presents. 


I just got one of the best texts EVER...from my husband...'I will have pizza for us when I come home.'


For a SAHM married to man who only cooks spaghetti (mighty fine spaghetti, albeit infrequent), not having to worry about preparing a meal is friggen AWESOME.


Merry Christmas. Happy whatever other holidays you celebrate. I  plan to be extremely emo and grateful that my savior was (apparently) born on December 25th.


Amen.

This Isn't New

But for me, is rather apt....

Despondency

If anyone wants to send me to a faraway beach for a week or six, that would be awesome.

However-this will have to do in the meantime.

May I be like Han. 

If This Doesn't...

....make you tear up with the melancholy beauty of itself, your heart is dead and cold and there is nothing I can do to help you.

Slow

Internet plodding.
Exhaustion.
Voice gone.
Son's ears in need of repair since apparently he cannot hear me. Or he chooses not to listen. 
I cannot raise my voice above a whisper without sounding like a 12 year old boy.
Why doesn't he listen?
Why do I suck at this?
Long lines.
Overfull baskets of laundry waiting for just me.
The neverending mess.
The mere thought of being inside Woodfield Mall until midnight tonight makes me want to curl into the fetal position and cry.
Woe is me, right?
Although, this is pretty good:

Pretty Much...

Jaw Dropping

This is the most amazing thing I've seen in like...a real long time:

Sometimes

I can't remember who I'm bitching at so I call my cat my kid's name.


My kid pretends to be a robot and I let him.


I have to force-wash said kid's hair.


I step in cat puke in my bare feet. This is never a good way to begin a morning. 


All I am is a back-scratcher.


My house smells like scorched beef and my winter jacket smells like caramelized onions.


I read online menus and salivate.


Salivating is something I'm doing a lot of lately. 


I really honestly don't understand where the weird comes from.


I am concerned about my friend SB's brazilian wax. I feel bad for her-it was traumatic. 


Washing kid's hair isn't terrible.


The end...

And Many Mooooorrrrreeee

Today my stud muffin turns 32...

Thanks for loving me and for convincing me to be your girl, all those years ago!!!
I love you despite my many flaws...

Confessions

I live for quemada salsa from Taco Fresco. I put it on my egg in the morning and my nachos at lunch. A pint costs $1.25 (less, with my mall discount). I could eat it on almost anything. 


I am currently doing the same workout video that my friend's mom does. I still hate it. Working out sucks. But being grossly overweight sucks more. In my opinion. 


I am often still tired after my first cup of coffee, but the second one makes me jittery and nauseous. 


I no longer love the cats that live in my house. They fart at me on purpose and vomit on my Christmas tree skirt.


I want Jessica Simpson's hair.


I want Kim Zolciak's wigs. All of the recent ones. Not the early busted ones. 


Rose jam bubbleroon is great but I think it gave me a migraine last night.


I think I am a better writer than most of them on xoJane. 


Housework sucks and is pointless, but I still have to do it.


The above fact makes me want to cry. 


Whining (by children or adults) gives me an involuntary facial tic.


I have given up on keeping my potted herbs alive through the winter, but they are still on my kitchen table. 


I washed my hands with this soap at work the other day and I literally thought I had shit on my hands. Its gross. 


Unpaid work conference calls are stupid. 


I got this because of her because I think she is cute and I secretly want to look like her. But not actually BE like her. She's a little cuckoobananas. 


I have never had a burger with a fried egg on top.


I have never ridden on a motorcycle, and I probably never will. 


I hope that this was amusing for you.

A Misty Night

My nights are about to become extremely late.


I live on a busy street....there is rarely construction on it, but last week there was.


Patching, I think. I avoided the closed lane on my way into work.
By the time I was making my way home, it had begun misting. Not quite raining, but almost. The type of precipitation you can only see under streetlights. 


As I turned onto my street, I saw the steam emanating from the still-hotter-than-the-rest tar of the street patch. 
It looked like a ghost, and it was beautiful. 

THIS WOULD BE AWESOME

First of all, this girl is REALLY cute. And this is what my husband and I want to get each other for Christmas. 


So yeah...

Bugh...

Updates:
I have deactivated my Facebook profile for at least until 2012. I don't need to know that much about my friends. 


I have no water today due to a break in a water main that is located literally down the street.


My son just peed all over himself for the FIFTH TIME TODAY AND I CANT WASH CLOTHES BECAUSE SEE ABOVE.


750 words has been a total fail.


Spicy buffalo seasoned tempeh is the best thing ever.


I miss water. 


cue the Charlie Brown music, right?


more better later. 

750 Words

The kiddo is sleeping. Funny how hard they fight sleep at this age. 
Today I am very tired. But my lovely husband cleaned like a madman last night and I want to make sure that it isn't trashed when he gets home. I try to do this nightly and usually fail. 
My heart is heavy right now. I was doing my entry on 750words.com and what started out as a fictional tale became sort of autobiographical and brought up some memories I'm not too fond of. We all have them, I am sure. 


But this 750 words thing...check it out. It is helping me as a writer. The words are beginning to flow as they once did. 
And no, you cannot see mine. It is private, sorry. 


When my son was asked (by my husband) at open house what he was thankful for, my son answered, "God."


We must be doing something right. 


The end. 

Halloween and Food!!!

Forgive the lateness of these photos. I rarely now have time alone on the computer, and the Blogger app for my phone kind of stinks. 


Milo had two different costumes for Halloween this year. What can I say...he's spoiled. I try not to feel too guilty about it. 
The Batman costume was something he BEGGED for for weeks. Then he decided he needed to be a Ghostbuster. And that Daddy needed to be a Ghostbuster too. Needless to say-it was not a supah-cheap Halloween for us this year. 

These photos are from the party at his school. I tried to only post those where you can't really see his classmates' faces. There were two Batmans, And yes, Milo walked around with his hands on his hips like that. 


And...now...for something completely different....


My prayer focus for today is for God to enter my heart in regards to the people in my life who are...shall we say...less than truthful. I occasionally have a rough time reconciling the actions people take to the words they speak. I need to learn that it is not my job to do so. I am not the reconciler-God is. 
And now on to some food.

Spooky house we decorated as a family. It was a kit from Target that Milo insisted upon. 

The garden

Some dead guy Brian made. 

Most delicious and fast dinner ever. Cut up a couple chicken breasts and some zucchini. Cook it up in some canned curry paste and some coconut milk. Pour into a (vintage Fire King) casserole (that was only marked three bucks because sometimes old ladies don't see a subtle logo). Put a couple sheets of phyllo on top. Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes. SO GOOD. Thank you Martha Stewart.

For trick-or-treat, we went to out in-laws house, because our neighboorhood isn't very trick-or-treat friendly.My costume wasn't finished in time (I was going to be a ghost), so I stayed in the house and made chili while the boys went out for candy. 

The haul.

Ta ta for now. I might put on some fake eyelashes today. Who knows???? I got some Fantasy Makers Halloween makeup kits for FIFTY CENTS on clearance at Jewel the other day, so I might mess around with those. Haha right like I have time for THAT. 

Aaaaand, I recently treated myself to some new nail lacquers:

Rainbow Connection and Excuses Moi! from the OPI Muppets holiday connection

Khloe had a little Lam-Lam and Kim-pletely in love from the Kardashian Kollection from Nicole by OPI.

Love them all. Google for better swatches than I can provide. 

Day Two

I was toying with the idea of doing some sort of cleanse for some time. Not to magically lose a ton of weight-I know that will only happen with exercise; but to truly cleanse my body. 
And no, I am not merely referring to a need to poop my brains out. I wanted to see how the rest of my body would be affected by eating raw foods and drinking freshly prepared juice. 
With my new favorite thing ever:

Shitty photo for my new juicer

I've been loosely following this book's 3 day energy boost cleanse. I like this book because it is written for people who want to detox for different amounts of time and for those who are ready to commit to a raw lifestyle. There are TONS of recipes in there. 
Yesterday I had water with lemon, juice, a salad with some leftover roasted (I know, I know I cheated already) veggies, carrots with hummus...more water more salad...
Last night at work I felt like there was disgusting sludge emanating from my skin. I just felt a lot more aware of my body and how it was feeling. Which was last night, a little weak and sore and tired. 
But yeah, no cheese, no meat , no dairy, no grains/starches beyond the tempeh I had on the salad. 
I keep waiting for something crazy to happen, like intestinal cramping or stigmata or a very ladylike faint,  but so far nothing.  I will absolutely continue juicing, but this all-raw thing is not for me. I refused gelato last night. Granted, it was a boring flavor of gelato, but I didn't know that when I bought it...but still...GELATO. 
Eeenyways...I really want fried eggs and toast. 
That's about it. 

So Proud

The DH put a lot of time into this. Wiffleball!!!!!

Not What I Expected

Yep...this weekend was not what I expected. At all.


Friday evening was spent in fellowship with some lovely women at church. I caved and ate a pumpkin muffin and two cinnamon rolls. BUT THEY WERE MINI SO ITS OKAY. 


Saturday morning I got up with the kiddo to let the DH sleep. We kicked it until I had to go back to church for the rest of the mini-retreat I was attending. Not what I expected. Perhaps because I had never heard the speaker before. I was expecting something that was based in scripture, and this was basically this woman telling stories. Which was cool, I mean, she was fully adorbs and amusing. But...not...you get it. 
I DID get to spend time with the bestie, the other Brian's wife and bestie's SIL (whom I've known for years). I also go to know some other cool church chicks. 
AND ! We went to Old Navy on the lunch break and I SCORED a light blue hoodie for under $2!! Sweet. Who cares if the tag says Old Navy Intimates???
My darling friend NS watched this kiddo for a couple hours that afternoon so that the DH could attend a party(?!) for a widowed co-worker. I am so truly thankful for NS. I am completely blessed to have her in my life as a friend, a co-worker and a babysitter! I love her. She's hilarious and REALLY good at make-up. 
Moving on. I came home as the DH was getting ready to leave for Wiffle. He had told me there would BE no Wiffle, but I never believe him when he tells me this. 
Now, kiddo has been battling a cough, runny nose....feeling generally craptastic. He's been up at night, in and out of our bed, leaving me more exhausted than usual (put your fake violins away please). I've let him rest as much as possible without completely halting our lives. He seemed fine after the DH left, so after a couple Phineas and Ferb episodes we left for Target. The plan was to go to bestie's house for dinner and wine; with the boys meeting us after Wiffle. 
Kiddo passed OUT in the car on the way home from Target. Usually he wakes up when I bring him inside, but not this time. SO I let him sleep. Called bestie, told her what the deal was. I assumed I'd wake him at like 6:45 and head over. 
Well...THAT didn't work. So I put him to bed. Called bestie, told her I wouldn't be coming over. Sad face. 
Kiddo woke up at 8. Hysterical. FREAKING OUT. Sinuses...crying, screaming...it sucked. I prayed for grace. I got it. I put Toy Story 3 in after doing what I could to make kiddo comfortable.
Then...while putting him into jammies...I saw the rash. For those of you that do not know-my kid is nearly transparent. He's super-pale and if you tickle him too hard his skin turns blotchy and red. So the rash around his undies waistband area didn't cause me to panic.  
Until it started spreading. There was no fever...he wasn't itching. Still no panic. Lots of Googling. Finally got him into bed at 11 pm. Exhausted. Not the Saturday night I expected. At all. 
Sunday morning...the rash had spread to his extremities, even his hands. He was acting totally normal so we went about our day. We got home and I checked him again. He was more rash than skin at this point. So I called my RN SIL. Sent her pics...she advised that we go to a clinic and get him checked out. With our insurance, an ER visit costs considerably less than those damn clinics. Off we went. DH had a soccer game, and since there was no cause for alarm, I took kiddo myself. 
Thank GOD for pediatric emergency rooms. He was checked out and given a hefty does of Benadryl. He passed out on the bed, and the nurses and I watched the rash almost totally disappear. I was given a prescrip for antihistamine and sent on my way (about 2 hours later). 
I am not afraid to tell you that it was only AFTER signing papers with a sleeping kid in my arms and AFTER the pharmacist told me I didn't have the correct insurance card and AFTER I talked to my husband...only then did I cry. And only for a second. 
Here is why:
'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing your faith develops perseverance.' James 1:2-3
Kiddo slept for 14 hours last night. Amen. He is back to himself. I'm still calling the pediatrician for a follow-up. 
Whew

Just Two

Happy Photos. No complaining. 

free clothes from my SIL. Thanks, A!!!

glowy milk glass reflected in granite

a nail blogger I am not, but this is making me happy. this is not black. it is green. and i love it. 

I Done Did It Now

Saturday morning (my DH let me sleep in, THANKS YOU HUNNEY) I had a dream about a screenplay I need to write. I'll be Googling free screenwriting tips-as I know none.


Also. I have decided to make a major change in my lifestyle by starting a bastardized version of the South Beach Diet. I look like I swallowed a medium-sized four-square ball. 


Not cute. Gross. So...making a change. Bye-bye refined flour. I will miss you. Doritos, my darlings, you will be mourned. As will you, white bread...


Hello turkey roll-ups and celery stuffed with Laughing Cow cheese!!!




Watched X-Men: First Class last night. They are my favorite comic book characters, and it was interesting to see how Magneto and Professor X came to be. 


Was I the only person in the world that didn't know Kevin Freaking BACON was in that movie????


The climactic Cuba beach scene was really well written, but the whole movie was REALLY long. Emma Stone is amazing. 


Now I have to go drink five million gallons of water. 

Ombre

Nature knocks my socks off yet again:

Everyone at my house is sick. I have an upcoming meeting (tonight) at work for which I NOW need to find a costume. Running around yesterday, I glanced across my parking lot to see the most  incredible work of color theory i've ever seen in nature. 
I could not stop taking photographs. I only stopped because I thought maybe the neighbors would think I was a peeper. 
So beautiful. 

Fall Fash Ferosh

I wanted to link up for Fall Fashion Week at Emery's blog, but I realized this week that I have not worn ANY THING new this week. SO, to not be a party pooper and link SOMETHING interesting, I will post the most fashiony look I've done this year.

Me and my bestie. 

Silk wrap dress by Betsey Johnson, long beaded necklace from F21, Pincurls by me. 

My hair is a LOT shorter now. 

Here's another good one...

Outside the Southern for my 30th. Red hair by Bethany, most amazing jacket EVER by Betsey Johnson. LAMB purse.
From pre-child days when I spent money on things like that. 
I have a goofy face because I was cold and REALLY WANTED to go inside. 

QUESTIONNNN

Well, two of them. 


I've recently cut my hair quite short. I've had people say really splendid things about it. But the one that confuses me is, 'You have the face for short hair.'
What does that mean?
That I resemble this:

Image Source

In some way?

Because that bitch can rock a pixie cut. 

Kind of cracking myself up right now. Halle Berry....haha. 

Happy belated birthday to my spectacular and fabulous father, who gifted me with an innate sense of the ridiculous and a spot-on sense of style (honed during years of watching awards shows and critiquing the gowns). 

LOVE YOU FATHER!!!

And happy almost-birthday to my dear, dear father-in-law. Ken, I find you to be intelligent, witty and an amazing grill cook. 
We appreciate all that you do, and we love you!!!


Yeah-my dad and my dad-in-law have birthdays in the same week. Sweet. 


SECOND QUESTION.
I joined Pintrest. I have no fucking idea how it works. I guess that's not really a question. Help me? 
There. 


Dude, my downstairs neighbors smoke a LOT. I lived in houses where there was smoking ... i can't now imagine living in a house that smells like our entry does sometimes. Gross. 
I hear these terrible hacking coughs in the morning. NAST. 
Really good reason to quit. 
REAL GOOD. 

A-Z of Me

A somewhat uninspired and rushed post. Don't get your hopes up.

A. Age: 30
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore that you hate: all of them?
D. Dogs: love, want, do not have
E. Essential start to your day: coffee and snuggles
F. Favorite color: red
G. Gold or Silver: silver
H. Height: 5'8"
I. Instruments you play: kazoo
J. Job title: stay-at-home mama, housewife, writer/blogger, Lush keyholder, manager of development at Smith Industries
K. Kids: the cutest funniest boy ever
L. Live: northwest suburbs of Chi-town
M. Mother’s name: deborah
N. Nicknames: mommy, hunney, hey you
O. Overnight hospital stays: surgery in 2000, c-sec in 2008
P. Pet peeves: pee on the toilet seat, passive-aggressiveness, laundry next to the hamper
Q. Quote from a movie: (Big Lebowski) 'You're not WRONG, Walter, you're just an asshole.'
R. Right or left handed: Right handed.
S. Siblings: two younger sisters
U. Underwear: none of your damn beeswax
V. Vegetable you hate: i love veg! not a fan of tomatoes, but the are technically fruit
W. What makes you run late: I'm usually on time. if i am late, its because of the kid or traffic
X. X-Rays you’ve had: left shoulder, dental, right elbow
Y. Yummy food that you make: the husb likes my caramelized ontions. i make a mean brussels sprout, bake a kickass loaf of bread...I'm like a punk Martha Stewart
Z. Zoo animal: ring tailed lemurs. kiddo likes the alligator and the bears. although I'm mad at Brookfield Zoo right now. 

Trois Choses Qui Me Rendent Heureux

(three things that make me happy)

My fragrances upon a thrifted glass tray. The tray itself is pretty awesome, with concentric circles (my favorite shape) on the bottom. 

My stovetop with my Le Creuset Dutch oven (thank you Mary), Le Creuset teakettle (thank you bestie)and my cupcake tea towels (thank you Santa). 

And a Yankee Candle Mistletoe and Fig candle (discontinued, bought for five bucks and then dropped on the floor and broken) inside a thrifted milk glass footed something. I love it because it looks a little Deco.  I don't know what it was for, but I love them. I have a succulent transplanted into one on my balcony. Photo tomorrow. 

This combo glows beautifully when the candle is lit.

These material things make me smile when I see them. I think it is important to surround oneself with things (and people) that you love. 

Sorry the photos are crappy. I opted for less-than-stellar photos and a timely blog post rather than nothing. 

On a personal note...the kiddo has started school (LOVES IT), we have started to try and sell our condo, and I got a raise at work. 

The best of those three things is school. The raise was not what I asked for, and not as much as I feel I deserve (but oh well). The condo is listed as a short sale and I have been hoping for the best while planning to remain here awhile. In the meantime, my house is really clean!

Yesterday was International Peace Day. 

So...peace. 

People Say

You know how sometimes people say, 
'Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.'?
The opposite is usually true for me. 
I wonder why.


I've not abandoned this space. Or place, as it were. There are things (well...thing) in the works. 


Peace. 

A Life Measured in (Only Two) Trees

Not an incredibly sentimental person when it comes to physical things like clothing or ticket stubs, I for some reason, am attached to trees. 
They change and stay the same in my mind. Always there, until life happens and they are gone or you move away. Changing with the seasons and growing year by year. 
I'd take photos of the trees that are meaningful to me, but to you they would just look like trees. 
And that makes me sad. 

Wrong Side

Went to bed early last night. Woke up early, as my DH kissed me goodbye and somehow landed on my elbow, scaring me. 


I should have gotten up. But I didn't. 


And now for some reason I am super-grouchy. 

This is me-the old-school Oscar with the accent. The orange Oscar. 


I am starting to hate Facebook. As I have mentioned before , it has torn my family (even further) apart and serves as a vehicle for their passive-agressiveness to flourish. It also serves as a painful reminder that I de-friended a former good friend and now rarely speak to any of our mutual friends. It reminds me that my first real boyfriend cheated on me and then dumped me for a skinny, nasal-voiced girl with tattoos who was closer to his own age. It reminds me that there are just some things that people including myself will not let go.
I think I am going to un-pin the app from my phone and take a break. People who want to get in touch with me know how to find me. 
The kiddo's first real (9:30-11:30) day of school was yesterday. He LOVED it. I am so excited for this season of our lives. 
I had last night off and played Start the Party with the family. It was FUN. Except you use the camera...and I could see how bulgy I've gotten. Ew. 
Today my plan is to do a strength workout and become more grateful for the positive things in my life. I wanted to take kid swimming but he just told me he no like dat. 
Ah well. 
Hopefully I will have some writing exercises done. Need to work THAT muscle soon. 

The Real Deal

Today is Milo's first REAL day of school. Two hours ALL to myself!!!


I am going to purchase a fitness membership and FORCE myself to do some cardio on school days. 


Let's all pray that he does really well today!!!!

Also

Go read this...

Hilarious



Ah, me. Those girls are hilars. 


And Salma Hayek is effortlessly ladylike and naturally gorgeous. She's a hair idol of mine.
Look.  

Rentrée des classes

How I love Google Translate. 

Milo is looking forward to making new friends and learning to share.
I am looking forward to a potential $14/month gym membership to use while he's in school. 
Milo is looking forward to using his backpack.
I am looking forward to having a preschooler-I can actually feel myself getting giddy remembering my vague memories of preschool: learning to make a ball out of play dough, painting my name and wanting to make the T 'big like Mr. T', being scared of the guy in parachute pants and then finding out he was super-nice....


So fun. I can't wait for relationships to bloom. The parents and caregivers all seem very caring and nice. I keep telling myself I belong here *chuckle*. 

How Things Change

I remember Fridays as a much younger girl...an excuse to leave work a little early...a reason to stay up late...a work-free weekend to look forward to.


Fridays are much different now. Usually by the end of the week, I am a rubber band-stretched as far as I can go without snapping. Except that I sometimes do snap. By Friday I usually feel totally under-appreciated and exhausted. And I usually have to suppress my urge to pout all evening so that I can have a happy face while I'm at work. 


This week was full of adventures...we rode Thomas the Tank Engine on Saturday, I had skincare training all day in Chicago on Sunday and on Monday we went to the Museum of Science and Industry. Tuesday was spent running errands, Wednesday was a birthday party (for five 13-year old girls) at work and Thursday was Milo's preschool orientation. 


Which brings us to Friday. Rubber-Band Friday,  I need to do a hair mask and wax my eyebrows. I also need to post photos for my family and return books to the library. I am actually looking forward to going in to work tonight. For the break. 

This is Milo and me waiting to get onto Thomas. We arrived early and managed to sit out the thunderstorm inside the diner. Milo was unhappy. 

He thought it was TOO LOUD and he did not like it. 

But we ended up having a good time. After riding on Thomas we went to the retail tent and Milo chose some troublesome trucks to bring home. 

Milo at the Museum of Science and Industry. Best museum to bring kids to. I LOVE IT. 

SCIENCE!!!! WOOOO!!!!

The girl on the right is my friend Sarah, my sister from another mister. She's great fun, but averse to having her picture taken.

Milo drove a harvester. 

He liked it. 

And then we found the trains. We spent the majority of time in the train room. The setup there is amazing. And can you see the FREAKING BOEING 727 HANGING IN THERE??? I was having a tough time comprehending that there was a passenger jet INSIDE A ROOM I WAS IN. 

My mind was blown. 

Here we have Jollyball. It is a Guinness record holder for largest 'flapper machine' in the world. Basically it is a giant pinball machine that you don't play. Some dude built it for some tourism contest in ...Norway (?). Astounding. 

There's a freaking CHEESE ELEVATOR for the ball. 

SHADOW WALL!!!!

This was part of the 'About You' display. The more you moved in front of those screens, the harder the people would laugh. 

This is also the section where I SLAUGHTERED Brian AND Sarah at the 'Relax Your Mind' game. Basically I am a Jedi master. 

Milo and I pilot a plane in a wind tunnel. Milo is shouting, 'EVERYBODYS GONNA DIE!!!!'

These balls were floating in columns of air.

Electricity. 

Pirates. 

It was a fun visit.