Hah.

Go look at this.
And this.


You are welcome. 

Play This Video As Loud As You Can

Please be sure to giggle at Rob Zombie's gyrations. 

No photos

I'm sorry for being such a boring blogger...
I have been really busy and tired for reasons I am not gonna say yet on the intertubes.


Today we head to St. Louis MO to spend Christmas with my  in-laws. The kiddo is looking forward to playing with his cousins and of course for SANTA TO COME!!!!!
I won't re-say what has been said a billion times. But the holidays really are more fun with kids. I love to watch the joy as they open gifts. The way I return this joy is by being just as psyched when I open MY gifts. I love presents. 


I just got one of the best texts EVER...from my husband...'I will have pizza for us when I come home.'


For a SAHM married to man who only cooks spaghetti (mighty fine spaghetti, albeit infrequent), not having to worry about preparing a meal is friggen AWESOME.


Merry Christmas. Happy whatever other holidays you celebrate. I  plan to be extremely emo and grateful that my savior was (apparently) born on December 25th.


Amen.

This Isn't New

But for me, is rather apt....

Despondency

If anyone wants to send me to a faraway beach for a week or six, that would be awesome.

However-this will have to do in the meantime.

May I be like Han. 

If This Doesn't...

....make you tear up with the melancholy beauty of itself, your heart is dead and cold and there is nothing I can do to help you.

Slow

Internet plodding.
Exhaustion.
Voice gone.
Son's ears in need of repair since apparently he cannot hear me. Or he chooses not to listen. 
I cannot raise my voice above a whisper without sounding like a 12 year old boy.
Why doesn't he listen?
Why do I suck at this?
Long lines.
Overfull baskets of laundry waiting for just me.
The neverending mess.
The mere thought of being inside Woodfield Mall until midnight tonight makes me want to curl into the fetal position and cry.
Woe is me, right?
Although, this is pretty good:

Pretty Much...

Jaw Dropping

This is the most amazing thing I've seen in like...a real long time:

Sometimes

I can't remember who I'm bitching at so I call my cat my kid's name.


My kid pretends to be a robot and I let him.


I have to force-wash said kid's hair.


I step in cat puke in my bare feet. This is never a good way to begin a morning. 


All I am is a back-scratcher.


My house smells like scorched beef and my winter jacket smells like caramelized onions.


I read online menus and salivate.


Salivating is something I'm doing a lot of lately. 


I really honestly don't understand where the weird comes from.


I am concerned about my friend SB's brazilian wax. I feel bad for her-it was traumatic. 


Washing kid's hair isn't terrible.


The end...

And Many Mooooorrrrreeee

Today my stud muffin turns 32...

Thanks for loving me and for convincing me to be your girl, all those years ago!!!
I love you despite my many flaws...

Confessions

I live for quemada salsa from Taco Fresco. I put it on my egg in the morning and my nachos at lunch. A pint costs $1.25 (less, with my mall discount). I could eat it on almost anything. 


I am currently doing the same workout video that my friend's mom does. I still hate it. Working out sucks. But being grossly overweight sucks more. In my opinion. 


I am often still tired after my first cup of coffee, but the second one makes me jittery and nauseous. 


I no longer love the cats that live in my house. They fart at me on purpose and vomit on my Christmas tree skirt.


I want Jessica Simpson's hair.


I want Kim Zolciak's wigs. All of the recent ones. Not the early busted ones. 


Rose jam bubbleroon is great but I think it gave me a migraine last night.


I think I am a better writer than most of them on xoJane. 


Housework sucks and is pointless, but I still have to do it.


The above fact makes me want to cry. 


Whining (by children or adults) gives me an involuntary facial tic.


I have given up on keeping my potted herbs alive through the winter, but they are still on my kitchen table. 


I washed my hands with this soap at work the other day and I literally thought I had shit on my hands. Its gross. 


Unpaid work conference calls are stupid. 


I got this because of her because I think she is cute and I secretly want to look like her. But not actually BE like her. She's a little cuckoobananas. 


I have never had a burger with a fried egg on top.


I have never ridden on a motorcycle, and I probably never will. 


I hope that this was amusing for you.

A Misty Night

My nights are about to become extremely late.


I live on a busy street....there is rarely construction on it, but last week there was.


Patching, I think. I avoided the closed lane on my way into work.
By the time I was making my way home, it had begun misting. Not quite raining, but almost. The type of precipitation you can only see under streetlights. 


As I turned onto my street, I saw the steam emanating from the still-hotter-than-the-rest tar of the street patch. 
It looked like a ghost, and it was beautiful. 

THIS WOULD BE AWESOME

First of all, this girl is REALLY cute. And this is what my husband and I want to get each other for Christmas. 


So yeah...