Over Two Years

That is how long it has been since I have published on this little old blog.

I have been kicking some ideas around in my head about what I can write...about. Sometimes I feel as though I have a lot to say; even though some of it may not be joyful.

Today is Thursday October 13.

My mother has been dead nearly three months now. She was a big reader of this blog. Now she isn't. She was my biggest cheerleader, even when I bet she didn't feel it.

And now she is gone forever. People have been telling me that she will live on in my heart and that now she isn't in pain anymore and now she is happy and with Hilary and Grampa and John Lennon, etc. This doesn't really comfort me. I want HER to tell me she is happy. I want HER to tell me that Heaven is real.

I know that I must be strong in my faith and know that Heaven is real. That my mother is now perfect and in the presence of God. I must do these things because I am unsure of what will happen to me if I do not.

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Silas. My youngest and last child. This kid. This. Kid. He has tried me in ways I did not know I could be tried. Silas saved me after my mom died. He would hug me anytime I asked. He would be silly without knowing that it was exactly what I needed.

Maybe he does know. I get the feeling he knows a lot more than he lets on.

Silas still (at age 4) does not sleep through the night. He wakes up to go to the bathroom and then he crawls into bed with my husband and me.

Silas finally talks. He goes to preschool five days a week and I truly believe that his teachers are angels here on Earth.

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That is about all I have the energy for right now. Thinking about my mom makes me sad.