Prrrrrada!

Just a quick post today. 
I read a couple blogs (who doesn't?) and it exposes me to things and people I would ordinarily never encounter. 
Yay interwebs!
For example...the sunglasses on the far right side of the page here.
They are so beautiful and fashioney and humorous and glamourous all at the same time. And I never would have seen them if it weren't for the writer of that blog. THANKS LADY!
Prada has a special place in my heart, for they are the only luxury designer anything I have ever owned legit. Okay-they were eyeglasses. But still. They were badass. 

Right? And le dress de Betsey Johnson, n'est'ce pas???

Seeing Time All at Once

I read this just now:
Blog I read
And it made me think of this:


There are many ways to see time/existence. Many different ways. When I look at my kiddo, I can see time all at once. 
I see the Macaroni Rascal he's become and the brand-new squished face trying to nurse in the hospital.
All at the same time. 


I will get glimpses of him in the future, too. Shorter flashes, but those of him as a young man. 




My best friend's son was a toddler when I met her. He went to freshman homecoming last week. I at their home with the rest of my family when he put on his suit and left. 
I searched his face for the little Winston Churchill I met years ago...I think I found it. 


But I bet he wondered why I was staring. 

Unpredictability....

thy name is Milo Hagen...


My sweet darling boy, you keep me on my toes far better than anyone I have EVER encountered. 


Thank you for saying, 'HI MOMMY!!' and grinning like the Cheshire cat when I catch you doing something you don't really think you should be doing. 


Thank you for calling things their sounds and not their names. Regardless of what we say to you. 


Thank you for taking your first majordomo in the potty yesterday without my influence or help. 


Whew. Sorry about the potty-mention. 


Many things can happen when you let go. (hah...that's funny...when you think about it...heh heh, a pun...)


Oh my. 

What's Goin' On

what's goin on?
Ooooh la la la la lalaaaaa


Marvin Gaye is so money. Was? Is. Was. Hm. Grammar. 




The weather is changing and with that comes the holidays. All. The. Holidays. 
I've been getting myself into the mood by listening to Holidays On Ice by David Sedaris. 
His writing heals people. Trust. He is my sitcom. My ever-present, ever reliable form of entertainment. 


Last night I shivered as I walked to my car in the mall parking lot after work. Then I went home and watched an exciting football game with my husband.
-a word about football- I did NOT grow up in a family that had this game involved in ANY part of its workings. The mere fact that (when Brian told me that Robbie Gould could win the game); I knew that he is the Bears' kicker AND HOW HE WOULD WIN THE GAME.
That is pretty monumental. And completely my husband's fault. 

So, I shivered when I walked to my car and as I made the now-familiar trip to the bank to make the nightly deposit: waiting at that bastard light out of the place, blowing off the crosswalk stop sign, going through the curvy drive-through; I kept thinking to myself, 'Dang, it is gonna  freaking SUCK to do this in the snow again. I've enjoyed NOT doing this in the snow for a minute.'


Interesting, right?
I will now ask that you sit down, for I am about to tell you something that made MY tummy do a little flipflop when I saw it. 


Macy's...has Christmas decorations out already. Has had them out for at least two weeks. 
This enrages me for two main reasons:
1. Stupid damn motherf**kin' Macy's motherfuc**ng sure ain't care bout the motherfu**in REAL ASS REASON behind Christmas. 
(Sometimes I sound like a 48-year-old uneducated black woman from Virginia when I get upset)
2. It reminds me that I work in retail and that the holidays are regarded with this bizarre combination of dread and avarice. Myself included. 


Yesterday my goal was to get SOME work done on the hole that is my bedroom closet. 
Today my goal will be to put up whatever Halloween decorations I can. 
Here is something that I personally enjoy watching.These guys are both kind of my imaginary boyfriends. 

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Jon Hamm from Between Two Ferns

Today I Begin Something (churchy content warning!)

That will hopefully help me out with the daily blahdeblah that I deal with.
My family and I attend Harvest Bible Chapel Lake Zurich. It is a modern, Evangelical church with a fairly young staff and family. 
It truly changed how I view the Christian church. I grew up in a non-religious family; I think because my parents are not particularly religious and they wanted us to make our own decisions. I was baptized as a Catholic because ... well...my mom's family is all Catholic, and that's just what you DO. You baptize babies. 
*side note-I used to think that original sin was bull...after living with a two-year-old who is FULLY willing to lie to me...ah yeah...pretty sure it exists now*


I have a number of issues with the Catholic church and have chosen a different religious path for myself and my family. 
THAT BEING SAID...
I get to start a womens' bible study today! It is by Beth Moore and it is called : Esther: Sometimes Its Hard Being a Woman. 


If no one knows the story of Esther, let me just tell you that she DID have it pretty rough. Find a bible and read her story-it isn't very long. Not as long as the book of Job (MY GOODNESS)! I am very much looking forward to learning more about her and how I can apply those lessons to my life. 


I now have an hour and 15 minutes to get out of the house if I want to be on time. Milo was up late last night, so let's hope he wakes up in a good mood. 
AND I HAVE THE NIGHT OFF!!!!! I just might take a bath. With a book. Aaaaaah. 

Have a good day everyone!!!

Music and Musings

I cannot stop listening to this song-thank you very much Elizabeth...






The husb does NOT like it, heh heh. He called it 'spacey girl music'.
Yeah, man. YEAH. 


So...worky work work...last night it was CUH-RAY-ZEE slow. As anyone who works in a service industry will tell you, slow nights suck hard. They go slllllowllllly and you don't make any monies. 
I was standing in the doorway of our shop handing out free samples.
This is interesting on a number of levels. There are the people who look right through me and walk away. There are the people who look at me, look at my shop sign, and shake their head; refusing the sample. Because, you know...WHO THE HECK WANTS A FREE SAMPLE FROM A NATURAL HANDMADE COSMETIC STORE?????? YUCKY!!!!!!
Then there are the folks who were looking for a reason to come in. The people who shake your hand and genuinely thank you for talking to them and introducing them to the products. 
I like those people better. But I wish they would BUY SOMETHING, because they usually don't. Booo. 


Working on finishing some sewing projects and will post photos of them soon. I am crossing my fingers that I win some ruffle fabric from Katy at No Big Dill. There's a skirt I REALLY want to make, and the fabric is a little pricey.


I am really liking the color palette I see for fall, and I wish I had a disposable income to buy cute clothes!!
*guess what I am asking Santa for...* 


I am freakin HUNGRY!!!!!! Spring rolls for dinner do NOT keep you full very long. 
Milo and I have a playdate today with two of our favorite girls. EXCITING!!!!!!!!

All My Laughs Are Sardonic

Because they kind of are. Well, not ALL of them. I get those lovely belly laughs when someone I love does something extremely funny. 

Like be really enthusiastic about drinks. 


This past week was interesting...I saw my goal weight on the scale one day and then saw it PLUS FIVE POUNDS the next day.
Don't weigh yourself every day. It is tempting. Don't do it. 


Milo learned the concept of waiting from a little boy at the train table in the library. 


I have to work FOUR nights this week. Don't get me wrong, I am gratefully employed, but thinking about that exhausts me. 


My Dear Husband told me yesterday that I have rage. Which wasn't a surprise. I knew that. I've come a long way with it. (Haven't we all?)
I have a short fuse. Shorter than most peoples', especially when it comes to strangers. 
I guess...as I've gotten older...I just don't give a f*ck. 
ANYHOOO
I've let that go, obviously (here's that laugh, right here). But I suppose I should pray for a longer fuse...? I guess? 
Nah, I KNOW. Patience is a virtue and a kindness I should prrrrooobably extend to strangers as an example to my son. 
insert extended childlike 'Idon'tWANNA' groan here. like Paul Rudd's from Wet Hot American Summer


I recently came into possession of some old family photo albums...they make me want long hair SO BAD. 
But I will find a way to get some cute ones on the tubes. 


Milo has moved to whining now, so I am going to fetch him. 
Peace out. 

Peep. Peep peep. And maybe a spoiler, but you shouldn't care.

Just because I don't have loads to talk about...
I'm following Elizabeth at White Lightning on her NYC Fashion Week adventures. 
She's got an amusing sense of humor...


psssttt,can I tell you something? c'mere. it is 7 in the morning and there are some weird loud women across the courtyard. in another townhouse. like, diagonally across the courtyard-so...pretty far away. and i can hear them. what the heck are they talking about? i can only hear women. i'll pretend that there is a new baby over there and the women of a tribe have gathered to clean the new mother's house, fold her laundry and rock the baby while she showers and sleeps. 




Whew. Sorry. Had to get that tangent out. This is why I am one set of binocs away from being a full Peeping Tom. 


someone just bleated over there. i am not kidding. now yelling! whattheheck is going ON OVER THERE??? maybe it is an old-friend slumber party and the girlies didn't sleep and now they are awake having coffee.


I am totally trying not to go get the binoculars that are in the diaper bag. I need to stop peeking out the window. If I can see them they can PROBABLY see me. Sheesh


ANYHOO....the Mr. and I watched the movie Kickass....?Yeah. 
WORST MOVIE EVER
If you are considering watching it, please save yourself the time and don't. Or don't save yourself the time, and read a book. Or draw a picture or write a story. 
I thought that it was supposed to be funny. The premise seemed to beg for it. Nerdy kid becomes superhero to emulate his comic book heroes and salve his bleeding heart. RIGHT? That's cool, RIGHT? I heart comic books! People that read comics are generally cool!


GAWD. Now, I know we can't expect much from Nicholas Cage at this point, but ... I was just...and then Brian was...and we were both...just...


I think the scene where the adult male villan is beating the crap out of the adorable young female heroine was what turned it for me. This after she watches her father die. It sucked. It made me mourn the demise of the film industry and weep for the AIDS/Cancer/Choose a charity that could have used the money that funded that piece of crap. Pieces of crap are actually BETTER, literally BETTER than that movie. 

So I'll leave you with a cute photo of a boy and his cat. 
PEACE!

More Venting

I told myself I would not ever talk about personal drama on here. 

But I just need to vent in an indirect way...

I wish I could fix this. I know who reads this blog, and I know that YOU know my heart. But at this point I don't know what to do anymore. 

I am angry and hurt and sad and angry and hurt and sad. I pray about this. I ask my church to pray about this. 

I CANNOT fix it. But I can do the next right thing. I just...don't really know what that is right now. 

So...I will continue to pray for a miracle. 

LiFe LeSsOn

DO NOT go upstairs and type an impassioned email while your diaperless toddler is downstairs. 
Even if he just peed on the potty twice on his own. 


Ever clean little kid dookie off a Wiffle Ball?
Because I have. Cross THAT off the list...


UGH. 

ZOO DAY!!!!!!!

It was super-sweet. I will let the photographs speak for themselves. Sorta. 

Mr. Smith had the day off, so we went to Brookfield Zoo. Thanks for the pass, Ken and Mary!!!! Milo was literally running into the place. 

The first place we headed was the seal and sea lion exhibit.

Everyone remember those Mold-O-Ramas? THEY ARE STILL THERE!!! Milo got a dolphin. 

Milo chased the geese. I let him because I hate stupid Canadian Geese.

I fed a stingray! Granted, it was NOT huge, but it felt REALLY cool! No, I am not crushing Milo here, and please ignore my Rod Blagojevich hair. 

Milo REALLY wanted to ride the tram. He was chasing it yelling, 'WAIT FOR MEEEEEE!!!!'. They didn't, which is why he looks a mite perturbed here. 

I think this is a snowy egret. Although, I wouldn't know a snowy egret if I were pissing on one. Name that movie. 

Alligator at the swamp exhibit. 

Biggest grasshopper I have EVER SEEN.

Aw. Love.

Really no words for this one, except that it makes me laugh EVERY TIME I SEE IT. 

It made Milo laugh too. 

Heading home. D'oh!!!

Down The Rabbit Hole

That phrase is generally used to describe a sense of , 'We can't turn back now'. But I am using it to describe how I feel this week. 


I feel like I fell down a hole and I can't get out. 


A hole of self-pity and self-un-love. 


A hole of 'WHY ME'.


A hole of 'Where's MY rescuer?'


A hole full of fuckit that still has room for me. 


I am going to cry a lot today. Hopefully that will reduce some of the utter BLEH I feel right now. 


***edited at 1:28 pm...****
I AM FEELING MUCH BETTER NOW!!!
I talked to my mommy and my bestie and they fixed it. Thanks girlies :)

Old Poetry and a Trip to the Chicago Botanic Gardens

How You Feel Late at Night, When There's No One to Talk to, Really




the bridges are gone
I heard that someone saw them
one time
maybe long ago (the bridge-seers-all now old or dead)
I heard
some stupid kid
not really a kid-so much
but a stupid kid
stumbled through here
fucked up the bridges




*******************************************************************


I wrote that one during what was probably THE darkest period in my life (but I ain't dead yet, hyuck hyuck). Never felt more alone than when I lived in Minneapolis, alone. I felt completely friendless and utterly brokenhearted in a cold COLD city. 


This week, the burned bridges image is seared (again, hyuck hyuck) into my mind. 


Last Sunday, my family joined some friends at the Chicago Botanic Gardens. I hadn't been there in warm weather since I was quite young, and it did NOT disappoint. 
I have tons of lovely photos that do not want to upload right now.  I will post them later. Lots to do today. 


Please don't make fun of my depressing poetry. 
*here's zee photos!!!

When we met the Makarovs at their townhouse, I saw this sign outside, and couldn't resist. 

These giant fish came right up to the water's edge. I think they wanted a snack. Like, Milo.

Milo and I were both rather amused by them. 

That's Dmitriy over there on the left. He took all the REALLY good photos in this post.

 

'LOOK AT THESE FISHIES!!!!'

I personally think this photo illustrates perfectly the fact that I have no ass. Pretty fountain, though, right????

Go Cubbies!

Thomas and Annie and Clarabel. 

Milo did NOT want to leave the train village. Major tantrum ensued shortly after this photo. 

I was pretty sure this plant was gonna eat me. REALLY freaky-looking. 

SEEEEEYYYMMMOOOOURRRRR!!!!!!

Dmitriy's beautiful wife and I. There was a rose competition going on, and we got to smell many different types. Heaven for me, as I'd really like to shove rose petals up my nose. 

Me trying to shove rose petals up my nose and remain photogenic.

Happy family in the tropical greenhouse. 

Supercool ruffly flowers. 

Family photo attempt in the zinnias. Milo was DUNZO at this point. As you can see. 

Massive thanks to the Makarovs for the invite-this was a great day. 

Being a Girl Sucks Sometimes

I am all for feminism and all that grand stuff about equal pay and the right to vote and to choose what to do with our bodies. 
Truly. I am grateful and happy about all that. Thanks, ladies of the past. You paved the way, yadda yadda.


But right now, being this girl inside THIS head kind of sucks. 


It is PMS week (sorry). My hormones do terrible things to my mind, and I have them managed as best I can. 


But. 


I gorged last night without even realizing I was doing it. Like, eating-an-extra-meal-I-didn't-need gorged. 
Did I enjoy it while I did it? OH YES. Sinless margaritas and a cheeseburger and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I entered all that into my food diary and STOPPED when I was, oh, about EIGHT FREAKING HUNDRED CALORIES OVER MY GOAL. 
Crap on a freaking cracker. 
Shut your mouth, Althea. Just say no, Althea. THIS is why your self-esteem has plummeted, Althea.
This kind of self-talk doesn't help after the fact. 
Be conscious of what you eat and how often you move, Althea. Cast your burdens upon the Lord, Althea. 
Now I'm just being masochistic. 
But I really do just want to curl up in bed with a book until this week is over and the little ratface hormones in my mind stfu and I feel like a normal person again. 

Growing Pains

The title for this post should actually be 'Cutting Pains', but I didn't want to alarm anyone. 
Last night I gave Milo his first buzz cut. We have clippers because Brian was paying $14 for a clipper cut that I was fairly sure I could do myself. The sweet Wahl clippers we bought have already paid for themselves. 
Although...there IS a bit of a learning curve. 
Last night after Milo's bath; Brian held him on his lap on the toilet seat and I chokegaspsob buzzed. off. all. my. little. boy's. hair.
Before this, when moms would get all emo about their kids' (or their own, for that matter) hair I was all like, 'Sack UP, ladies. It is HAIR.'
I didn't cry, but I have been doing a lot of this, 'Your hair is GONE!!!!'
I will post photos once he lets me get some. And after I clean up the stray long hairs I missed. Cutting a little head with big clippers is tough. 

99-cent Notebook

Yesterday afternoon I went to see my doctor. She decided that I needed to get x-rays to ensure that there was no dislocation. However, the imaging place to which they generally refer people was closed, so I was sent to St. Alexus hospital.

I enjoy Catholic hospitals. They somehow comfort me more than non-Catholic ones. I grew up going to one for appointments and visits to a new sister and various relatives. 

I checked in at the front desk and was given a pager. A PAGER! Like they give you at restaurants. I made a lame joke about my table being ready. The hostess/receptionist gave me a weak smile and I mentally applauded the effort. It would be about five minutes before they had a booth available for me to get registered.  

Finding no magazine to peruse and not feeling like walking around,  I sat in one of the lushly padded armchairs. 

And then it happened. 

I remembered that I had my 99-cent Harajuku Lovers notebook in my purse. AND a pen.

Instead of just sitting there making up stories about the people I saw, I got to write them down.

Sweet balls. 

No, there weren't any stunning observations about the general public. There were no achingly profound truths of humanity exposed.

But for those five minutes, I was once again a writer. The kind that sits in comfortable chairs in public places with a notebook or a laptop. I wasn't wrangling a toddler or grocery shopping or talking to anyone. 

For those five minutes I got to reconnect with a part of me that gets exercised so infrequently it is shameful.

Put pen or pencil to paper. Not to make a to-do list or to sign  permission . Write a note for someone. 

That's all I got. 

Oh, and THIS:

Pink dress. Green polka dots. Another Betsey Johnson I found hiding in my closet. 

I just realized I kind of have mom hair. fuck. 

I think it is satin-backed crepe? Or just crepe? Whatever, its a size SMALL and I love it. The construction is amazing. 

In the spirit of full disclosure...I AM wearing a controlling undergarment and the panel across my ribs was pretty tight. 

That dress was the only BJ small I EVER fit into. 

*happy tear*

Cheers,

-a.