In many ways, we do some sort of battle daily. Battle against traffic, against inner demons, against enemies,etc.
I battle with myself. The crummy thing about fighting with yourself is that you don't really ever win.
My recent struggle is with my appearance. I know, I know...vanity is disgusting. But I can't help it. If my appearance doesn't at least approach cute...I feel bad.
I can't fit into ANY of my clothes. I feel as though I don't have time to exercise. Or maybe, I just don't want to do it.
Sometimes the weight of this world seems to be more than I can handle.
It is no coincidence that I am writing this on a Friday morning. Thursdays have been a battlefield for me for some time now. I hate them. My best friend knows this and occasionally sends me (I just got a text from her this moment) a text or an email to cheer me up.
Yesterday (and the day before) was rough. The bad thoughts beat their way through the walls I have built in my mind and came crashing to the forefront.
I know that I should be grateful. For this life. For my wonderful husband. For my incredible family and friends.
And I am.
I often say, "I love you people but I need you to get the hell away from me."
Today my prayer is for strength. Strength to do what I know is right. To NOT eat the rest of the chocolate cake in my fridge. To run to God. To appreciate what I have. To be GRATEFUL for my body-the body that held and nourished two babies. To not detest myself or my situation.