Sometimes

I can't remember who I'm bitching at so I call my cat my kid's name.


My kid pretends to be a robot and I let him.


I have to force-wash said kid's hair.


I step in cat puke in my bare feet. This is never a good way to begin a morning. 


All I am is a back-scratcher.


My house smells like scorched beef and my winter jacket smells like caramelized onions.


I read online menus and salivate.


Salivating is something I'm doing a lot of lately. 


I really honestly don't understand where the weird comes from.


I am concerned about my friend SB's brazilian wax. I feel bad for her-it was traumatic. 


Washing kid's hair isn't terrible.


The end...