I can't remember who I'm bitching at so I call my cat my kid's name.
My kid pretends to be a robot and I let him.
I have to force-wash said kid's hair.
I step in cat puke in my bare feet. This is never a good way to begin a morning.
All I am is a back-scratcher.
My house smells like scorched beef and my winter jacket smells like caramelized onions.
I read online menus and salivate.
Salivating is something I'm doing a lot of lately.
I really honestly don't understand where the weird comes from.
I am concerned about my friend SB's brazilian wax. I feel bad for her-it was traumatic.
Washing kid's hair isn't terrible.