Yesterday after dropping the kid off at school I did something I generally do...ran errands. Typical suburban mom thing to do, right?
Only there was something about yesterday that was different. The sun was shining and I had good music blasting loudly.
It brought me back to a time past. A time when one drove with windows down and music blasting. No one asking me to put the windows up or turn down the volume.
A time when I wasn't responsible for anyone but myself. The feeling of freedom, of escape. Like the first time you go out with your friends for a long summer drive. Of escaping your parents, your school, your job.
The wind was in my hair, The Sprawl II was at 12 and I was taking turns a bit too fast in my (station wagon). The thump of bass was gentle but present against the small of my back. I stuck my arm out the window and allowed the tears to pool in my eyes. (things of beauty make me weep)
I felt like I did when my first boyfriend would come pick me up on summer days. Free. Exactly like my very own self.
But something was different beyond the fact that I was no longer 15 years old.
There was an echo of the bass thump. The very distinct kick of my Smith In Utero.
That is what made me weep. That I am able to feel like 15 again while gestating something within me that will one day feel that feeling.
I may have posted this song before. My DH says it is about loving someone and them not loving you back, but I disagree. I think it is about the potential within oneself. And being so very ready with it. I cannot listen to this song pregnant and keep my eyes dry.