Friday, July 23, 2010

I have a problem

It is a mental problem, and one I wish that I could remove from myself completely. Like a scab or tumor or split ends. 
When I hear negative things about myself, critical things...I replay them over and over in my head. 
Eventually they get very loud, and sometimes I self-medicate. 
Sometimes I end up in the fetal position-but that is a luxury I don't allow myself too often. I know that my mood affects the mood of my household, and so I honestly do try to be at least NOT evil most days. 
I really do wish I could purge this from myself completely. Maybe someday I will. But for now I need to stop this evil audio tape in my head. 
This isn't to say that I couldn't benefit from constructive criticism. I KNOW that I am too sensitive sometimes, and it was a resolution of mine to try and be like the duck and let things roll off my back. 
But yeah, sometimes I wish I could be showered with praise all the time. I guess that is sort of blasphemous. Sorry. Here is a random photo of 18-year-old me. 

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