When Organization Goes Terribly Wrong (expletive-laden)

As the title of this blog indicates, I am not the world's most organized person. 
I do try,however. I lose things a lot less often than I used to. 
I was stuck in the house all day yesterday...a prisoner to the nap schedule of my toddler and the work schedule of the Att&t guy who fixed our interwebs. 
Today was going to be my day to grocery shop (the cupboards are fucking BARE here) and get out of the house. 
EXCEPT I CAN'T FIND MY MOTHERFUCKING, SHITTING ASSFACE FUCKING KEYS!!!!!!!
I am notorious for losing my keys inside houses. So I have a PLACE FOR THEM!!!!! A bowl on my counter! And they are nowhere to be found. 
This is me right now (literally):

I am pissed. This throws off my entire day. I better find them, and if they....I don't even know. I REALLY want to cry and break things. Few things make me want to lose my temper more than losing (misplacing) things. It makes me feel stupid. 
Rawr. 
And no, I am NOT overreacting, thankyouverymuch.