Monday, August 9, 2010

Dreams DO Come True. (and an imaginary press conference)

Since my son became large and mature enough to fling food; he has done exactly that. 
For those of you that have never been to my home, know that our eating and living areas are basically the same, and that area is carpeted. 
This. Is. Gross. 
I will now answer logical questions. You in the back-

'Did you CLEAN UP the messes as they occurred?'
Yes. But I did not get them all. 

'Did you ever shampoo the carpet, you lazy beast?'
Numerous times, yes. More than I've ever shampooed a carpet before (which isn't saying much). 

'Uh, have you HEARD of Folex spot treatment?'
Why yes, yes I have. We have gone through four or five bottles since Milo went to solid food. 

There you have it. Toddler+food+carpet+a housewife unwilling to crawl with her nose to the carpet daily to pick up minuscule germworthy food particles = GROSS

I have long desired that carpet to be GONE. And this week, my dear husband and I will RIP IT OUT and THROW IT AWAY. And this weekEND, my dear brother in law is going to come install a NEW not-carpet floor and baseboard and this stuff called quarter round that I never knew existed. 

OH I AM SOOOO EXCITED. Someone told me I have a dirty mouth after reading this blog, so I will refrain from using all the glorious curse words I enjoy to describe my feelings of utter motherfucking GLEE!!!!!
(it slipped out)
Here's the funny part:
I am generally a play it by ear kind of chick. Except when it comes to anything involving Milo. This floor replacement is one of those things. And my dear Mr. Smith wants to play it by ear. 

Whew. I am going to choose to focus on my rad new floor. Yes, I will post before-and-afters for those of you that give a shit care. 


  1. Congratufuckinglations on the new floor! We all know where the foul mouth comes from, right? Why pretend! But, pray tell, what does "dibble dibble dopp dopp" mean? Some strange new toddlerese perhaps?

  2. Dibble dibble dopp dopp is how Mr. Brown (of the Mr. Brown can moo, can you? book fame) makes the sound of the rain!!!
    Milo now says it when he hears rain. Pretty adorable.