Thursday, August 19, 2010

I was waiting

I was waiting to write a post about my new living/dining room floor, and I will. But I need to get something off my chest, and maybe ask the internets a question. 
Last night my dear husband told me that I seem to have less and less energy than I used to. And he's right. I used to be able to stay up until the wee hours and still be able to rock it out the next day. 
But those were the days when I could shower without worry. I could do my makeup and pick out a cute outfit knowing that the only person to get food on it would be ME. I could wear dry-clean only clothes without feeling like a moron. 
MAJOR HONESTY ALERT
I NEVER thought I would be a mom. Ever. For a number of reasons. One of them being that I am an incredibly selfish person. I generally put Althea first, and I never wanted to change that. Then a few things happened to me in VERY quick succession:
I became a Christian-which is a rather humbling thing.
I fell in love with someone I NEVER figured I would fall in love with.
I got married.
I got pregnant. 
I became a SAHM. 


These things literally happened within three years of each other. 


Hey-I like to do things fast. 
To say I am still adjusting is kind of bullshit. I have been a wife for three years and a mom for two. I should HAVE this by now. But I don't. I feel like a constant failure that is always three steps behind. 
But Althea...(you say)...you are the luckiest woman EVER! You have a roof over your head, an eternity in Heaven, the most adorable family, AND a part time job at the store you LOVE!!! What the hell is your problem!!???!!


Exactly. Ex-freaking-actly. what the hell is my problem. Maybe I just need to start a gratitude journal and tattoo it on my arms. 
I guess, my question is this: How do I get some of my original, kickass, Althea-is-a-cool-chick groove back?


Sort of rhetorical. Now I am going to take photos of my SWEET NEW FLOOR. Yet another thing for me to be grateful for. DANG IT I AM SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL WRETCH!!!!!!!!
Hah. 

2 comments:

  1. Rethink your time line. (Three years is the blink of an eye.) Reframe the issue. (Sorry, that's social worker talk. What makes you believe that other Althea is gone? Maybe she's taking a much needed break.) Stop beating yourself up. Remember, I've known you for a very long time. You are more resilient and more resouceful than you might believe at the moment. And, for the record, let me say a resounding: WELCOME!

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