Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Welcome to My Randomness

I have a fancy wedding to attend the Saturday after Thanksgiving. 
This excites me and makes me incredibly nervous for a number of reasons. 
Excites: ahi tuna lollipops as passed hors d-oveures*. Seeing my old FIFCO friends. Seeing a girl I truly do love marry a guy that mimes adding machine in the air while he talks about adding machines (he's funny). Having a fancy date night with my husband whom I love. Potentially dancing my ass off. 
Incredibly NERVOUS: This will be Milo's first overnight away from home (terrifying for me, really). I do not have a dress. 
    and the tangent begins. 

First of all, the fact that my first worry is immediately followed by my second pisses me off. But we will get to that in a second. This event is one that calls for sequins. A not-long sequined dress that costs no more than $30. And does not require me to wear supportive undergarments. And is maybe not completely black. I saw one at the TJ Maxx in Mundelein this past weekend. Milo approved. But on that day I had pushed my dear darling's limits, and he lost his shit well before we made it to cashwrap. I may very well make the drive back out there today to get it. (no, it was not at the store near my house). This dress totes set the bar. If I get it, I'll post photo. Bah. 
I have really been struggling with something for the past few whatevers. It may have to do with PMS, it may be God working within me to remove sin. Regardless of WHAT it is; know that this is no plea for sympathy or bijh-bijh-ing. I get the feeling this is a test, and I want to be up for it. 
I am a terribly selfish person. TERRIBLY. The thought of my selfishness truly makes my stomach turn. I keep score. I am constantly asking, 'Whens gon be MAH TIME??'
It sucks. 
It really feels like there is a devil on my shoulder. His claws dig into the tendony flesh and I feel warm sticky drops of blood drip down my front. They pool in my armpit and soak into my bra. 
His breath is hot and smells of burnt meat. He whispers things into my ear. Things I never want to hear again in my life. 
I feel really sinful. More so than when I actually WAS a lot more sinful. Heh. 
So this is helping:
'Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you...'
Acts 3:19-20 (NIV)

Yep. I'll close with that. Have a great day, gnomies. 
*I spelled this right on the first try, but I can never remember the first 'r' in surprised. GO figure. 

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